Kat'z Boutique
by DramaQueen4eva
Summary: This is what hormones do to me ... just go with it ... it made everyone who has read it so far laugh so don't c y u should b ne different ... Open mindedness is the key ... and probably helps if your a chic then u'll know where it's coming from ... :


Disclaimer:- Quote not mine … belongs to Helen Fielding … 

'fat stored in capsule form over Christmas & is now being released under skin'

Bridget Jones's Diary

Christmas is the only time of year when nothing can possibly go wrong, except for diets; they fly out the window as soon as Christmas comes in sight. This Christmas just gone was no exception, and now at New Year, we have to make lists of impossible things we want dreadfully to fix before next Christmas. What a vicious cycle! Hmmm … I'm going to play that delightful mournful Irish pipe music to suit my mood! Whoa… from here I can just see the mirror wall on the other side of the boutique, look at that girl, average height, dark hair and vivacious green eyes, if I just had a flat tummy and little less podge on my hips I would adore my reflection…what possibilities! Horrid – hateful – hum-bug of a job, until you work or own a boutique you never realize what terrible taste some people have when it comes to fashion for themselves, and if you want them to buy anything from your shop you can't tell them how terrible they look.

Like just this morning, this chick was trying on these smashing green cord low rise jeans, suited her perfectly, that is until she added the top she had picked out. The style was fine, just your average mid riff baring fitted ¾ sleeve skivvy, which showed off her flat stomach admirably. The problem was that in staying with the natural colour scheme from the jeans she had selected an earthy brown top with acidic green stripes horizontally across it, it was such a shocka! I mean what designer in their right mind would put acidic green stripes on anything, let alone a natural colour scheme is beyond me, it is just sooooo wrong! Then as if that wasn't bad enough she actually had the audacity to not only purchase the outfit but to also be over-the-moon excited about it. I was so distraught that I had to imagine those gorgeous stilleto Charles and Keith shoes until I calmed down.

Glory be, I'm such a witch, I mean it's not like I had to wear that outfit or anything … although I'd love to look as good in that outfit as she did … why do all the really great clothes come on special just after my annual Christmas spread? Because of evil Jesus's birthday parties I am now a pant's size larger, so that if I do buy those jeans to fit me now they mightn't fit me later, and if I buy them to fit me later they might be 'out' by the time they fit me… Life is soooooo beyond not fair!

Oh, look at her, so slim and just oozing confidence, everything looks fabulous on her … good grief I hate being such a green eyed witch, especially about Louise. It's not her fault she looks that good, stupid genetics, and she's soooo sweet … Must stop having uncharitable thoughts about genuinely marvelous people … Even if they have everything a girl could ever want … pfft. Okay, go me, you are a fabulous person and can smile and have a nice conversation with Louise, even though you are terribly jelous of her … oh bubble trouble … what to talk about … SHOES! I'm a genius! Here she comes.

"Louise, did you see those darlin' stilettos in the window? They'd look just fabulous on you, especially seeing as they have the ankle strap you love !" I bubbled away like a bubbling brew.

"Oh Kat I don't know, I read in cosmo that ankle straps on shoes make your calves look shorter and fatter by breaking the line of your leg …" Okay, she kinda sounds different to normal. "… I was actually thinking of getting some strapless kittens …" Yep, most definitely different. "… to go with that sundress I got here last week, but I couldn't decide what colour I want. Help me!" This is just getting weider and weirder, Louise the shoe guru asking me what shoes to get? Who are you and what have you done with the real Louise?

"Ummm … Okay. You purchased the princess line sundress in that beautiful rich mauve so to accessorise …" Oh dear, what's opposite mauve on the colour wheel … Mauve is a reddish purple so … yellows and greeny yellows will be perfectly complimentary … Eureka! "…use sparkling metallic gold, and wear your amethyst and gold drop earring and necklace set, they really make you glow!" I know what's wrong with Louise! Those new wedges of hers blister her feet and are making her feel sad … just call me Poirot! Case closed!

"Kat, be a doll and change the music, this stuff is way too depressing …" What? This is the 'Mountains of Mourne' … It is sooo not depressing, mournful maybe but never depressing! "… put on something really up beat and funky!" Hmmm… up beat and funky … I know …

"Okay, but remember you asked for it Louise, (change over CD), 'and I'll be living in a rainbow, colours everywhere…' I simply adore Hi-5 for it's up beat and funky songs, aren't they just sooooo adorable?" Good lord I sound like such a ditz … oh well … inner child come out and all that.

Oh no, Louise is building up to saying something really personal, I can see it in her face. Gosh I bet it's something really important like this skirt makes my thighs look huge or that my hair cut looks terrible or maybe it's that my store, no bad Kat, say boutique, my boutique is really sucky, or maybe …

"Kat tell me the truth, do you think I'm too fat? I mean don't tell any one but my red jeans, you know them, don't even come close to doing up anymore …" Holy hector! Louise too fat? Good Lord those jeans are like size six skinny fit!

"Louise, do you really think that three year old jeans are really a good indication of whether you are fat or not? And trust me you are sooo not fat that it's not funny! I mean if I could just lose my Christmas spread I'd be happy! But you are tiny and look gorgeous in everything and obsessing over that fact that over three years you finally grew something resemballing sexy curves? God if that's all you worry about I'd love to be you!"

"Ha! As if Kat! I'd give anything to have a job that I actually enjoy even if it left me nearly broke every other month, rather than sitting in my desk all day long reading cosmo and feeling even worse about myself! …" Memo to self:- get cosmo banned. "… You are sooo much luckier than me! God, I'd love to work here, with clothes and shoes all day long, it would be sooo much fun!"

"Fun? Watching people buy clothing that either doesn't suit them or doesn't go with the other pieces they are trying on? It's sooo not fun, I only survive because on Irish music and imagining designer clothes or shoes that I'd give my eye-teeth to own … What do you want to lose weight for anyway?" If her reason is stupid then I will be forced to knock her head against a brick wall until she sees reason …

"Kat, don't laugh but I wanna lose weight so I can go back to uni and become a vet! …" Louise a vet? Wow soooooo didn't see that one coming … Oh well could be sooo much worse!

"Louise, you'll need to stop worrying about your weight to get through uni, I mean weight is like one of those things you need to accept and let go … if you stay super worried I'll join a gym and drag you along so that we can become trim, taunt and terrific. Well what do you say to that?"

"Ab-so-posi-tutely!"

And another dramatic chapter closes in the best fashion boutique ever, (drum roll here) KATZ BOUTIQUE!

Yes this is written by me all my characters and clothes designs, I have a full art book of sketches of the clothes I designed for this stupid story, just to scrape a pass in English, but I digress … I hated Bridget, I'm 5 foot 7 and rather leggy, naturally auburn/brunette with green/blue eyes hidden behind glasses everyone says I'm skinny some consider me anorexic but I am actually about 60kg's in my birthday suit and have breasts and hips and just a little bit too much tummy … but I don't diet anymore … I'm 17 and have finally figured out that I am too damn sexy just by being myself to need to diet or change me … yes I know how could anyone say a curvy baby like me is anorexic? Don't know … but soo many people mention it … the fact that I wear my clothes really tight and shoes really high makes me look skinnier than I am but dancing all my life leads to that … for all I suck at dancing I am perfectly comfortable being on stage in front of 4 to 5oo people wearing a skirt that only just reaches below my backside and starts under my hip bones when my top finishes just and I do mean just below my bust … that was at Christmas time … my gal pals say I have no modesty … I say that it can't be that greater thing to have seeing as I rule and am a sexy goddess whom everybody loves desperately and gives me whatever I want when ever I want it just for a smile and sweet giggle complete with lots of blinking … and I don't miss it at all …. Any way people read and review mine and I'll return the favour

Luv ya all

DramaQueen4eva

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